Sunday, October 5, 2008

Oh oh!....



When I go through your blogs and see how much you ladies love Fall ,makes me realize why I don't!....For you the red leaves,the cold weather,the Thanksgiving and the Halloween mean feeling comfy,at home, cozy...To me means feeling blue, depressed and horrible homesick....
I've always wondered about the reason why I feel this way and I still can't find a reason to explain it...
When I try to explain about this to people, I often get that look "What a F**** is she talkin'about???" or the "Ohh poor girl!...She needs a psychiatrist..." look.
Yes. I was born here in Portugal and no I have never been overseas but what am I supposed to do if I get butterflies in my stomach when I hear the star spangled Anthem, if I feel like my homeland are the States, if I thrill about its Holidays and seasons?...
What can I do if I feel like I'm in the wrong place?If I DON'T like this country?If I DON'T like this culture and lifestyle?
What am I supposed to do if I feel like I'm an emigrant over here?....
Honestly I don't know....
I'm going to tell you something that I'm quite ashame of...About 9 years ago, one of my best friends told me she was going to move to the States (She's living in Pasco,WA) that was one of the saddest days of my life...I closed my self in the bathroom and cried all through the morning....A million thoughts were rushing through my head like nuclear bombs..."Why God???Why is she getting the chance I've been asking for years???My father just died!My life is a mess!I'm going through this awful times and SHE gets the chance to live my lifetime dream????"
Ok...A day after I was shocked about my self...I was actually feeling jealous of my best friend...Not a pretty thing to tell, but that is the truth...
Even my sister get a job opportunity to go to Miami a few years ago and she wasted it!
Now tell me!I've been applying for jobs there, and every single year I apply for the Green Card Visa Lottery (It's a lottery that the US government throws every year to give away 50 000 visas to work and live there) and I'm still HERE!!!!

I'm usually a very positive type of person, but Fall breaks me down...
I honestly hope that some day God looks at me and says:«Here you go child!Grab this chance I'm giving to you!»

10 comments:

Kelly said...

Wow, I never knew you felt that way. You should at least come visit the States sometime and see what it's really like. I've never been outside of the states myself but I dream of visiting other countries. I wonder if they are as exciting as I imagine or if I just see all of the good there, ya know?? I would give anything to visit Italy or Australia, such beautiful places. But for now, I'm content traveling around our country and seeing different places.

Crazy Working Mom said...

Someday you'll get your chance, I just know it! Big Hugs to you.

PS...sorry I made you laugh, then cry. *LOL*

Tina said...

your time will come my friend. you just need to keep the faith and never let that go. if you want something bad enough i always beleive it will happen x

Toni said...

awwww. I am so sorry! I will keep praying over your lottery! I am sad for you!

I am also pissed because so many people come here illegally and have no love for this country. You who are trying to get here legally and love it can't be here yet!

Can't wait to you make it over!!!

Gin E said...

Wow! I didn't know you wanted to go there. Don't give up. You'll make it there someday.

Tammy said...

It will happen sweetie, I know it will! Hugs, Tammy

Joe said...

I always get the feeling that everyone from other country hate the United States. I am glad to read how much you want to be here. I hope you make it soon. Hell maybe we can kick some of these Americans out of here that don't realize just how great we got it here.
Proud and happy to be an American
Found your blog from Kelly, I am her Uncle

Petula said...

Oh dear... don't give up on your dream, okay? It's okay to be jealous; it's not okay to be envious. We all have feelings like that at one time or another about one thing or another. Keep trying to have your dream fulfilled. Save money, learn all you can and don't give up. I hope that one day you get your dream.

The New Mom on the Blog said...

*hugs* oh girl...I hear you...you'll have your chance, you will!

suheezbrainwaves said...

Hey ..m new at u'r blog:) U will go get u'r dreams n fulfill u'r life one day:) IF thats ur Dream..u will live it.. Hugzzzz